Your Narcissistic Sugar Friend
Sugar is like your narcissistic boyfriend/girlfriend.
As with each tasty dessert, they come on strong. The smell is heavenly, and it lifts your spirits. You are enamored with the colors, textures, the richness. Like a kiss and the tongues coming together to ignite your inner passions, the brightness of that decadent morsel pleases your sweet taste buds, and the dopamine hits keep you anticipating each bite.
Mmmmm…You are on top of the world right after consuming, and you’re ready to commit.
Hours later you notice a dry feeling in your body. You’re parched and realize you're dehydrated and something feels amiss. You feel illogically annoyed, and cringe as this once sweet someone talks to you. They seem compelled to be frustrated, and react to god knows what, yelling, cussing and saying something stupid they don’t seem to remember later. You wonder why they feel such a need to be right, but they know they are.Your sense of self feels somewhat diminished, because the ego is in full control now. You question yourself and feel depleted. But you also feel self-righteous indignation arise, because that was the tastiest bite you’d ever experienced and yet, how rude those words were! You are perplexed at what could have gone wrong.
Withered, you lay despondent on the couch. Being the forgiving person you are, you remember the stress they’ve been under. It seems best to let this incident go without another conversation.
As time goes on, you enjoy another dose of this delightful hors d'oeuvre and think while enjoying the scent, wafting up through your nostrils, ‘This is the most present I’ve ever been.’ This eye gazing seems to be like that icing on the cake, and you realize you’ve found your soulmate, or maybe your twin flame. At any rate, this person is THE ONE. You aren’t afraid, and announce it to the world!
After they go home later, and the following days, they don’t answer your texts, and you call and get no answer. This seems strange, as they clearly told you, YOU were ALSO the ONE. Where could they be? You realize they’ve probably gotten into an accident and start searching online to see if they’re okay. You come up with nothing. But you finally hear back. They say nothing, and act like you just saw them!
Your neck is now contorted, a vicious headache has arisen. Something aches deep inside of you beside your head. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. You’re contracted and your body feels tense. That suppleness is now diminished. When you look in the mirror, the fine lines appear thicker. It can’t be just a coincidence. You have been worrying after all.
But then you hook up for another bite. And the promise of that wonder is once more realized. This time you enjoy every last lick off the plate, because even each crumb is well-recognized. And while you feel you’ve met the divine, you don’t feel quite as high as the first few times around. You notice this… but quickly dash this thought away. You realize you just want some more. And isn’t it okay to go back for seconds and thirds? After all, you don’t spoil yourself often and you’re feeling you deserve something lavish!!!
Ahh the release once again of endorphins sends you right up to the sky! You’re sure that Love is what you’ve found. Up in the clouds, you’ve never had it so good. People see you and say they see stars dancing in your eyes. You assure them, they are! Your very existence is clear. Everything twinkles with wonder.
Into the evening you start to notice your head throbbing again. Your brain feels full and dim. And you can’t really think straight. And when they tell you they are leaving after sex, and aren’t even staying the night, you can’t even fathom what could have happened. How did this switch happen you ask yourself?
You realize this last time didn’t even last that long, and had questioned your performance throughout. Perhaps you needed to eat a bigger dinner before hand? Perhaps having breakfast that day could have helped? At any rate you’re feeling bloated, and you wonder as they are leaving and you’re standing there asking why, if it’s because you’ve gained that extra weight.
You knew you could have done something more, but really you’ve been a bit spun out. And when could you have possibly made time for those workouts between your long hours at the job and the ever long list of to do’s?
You comb your hand through your scalp, giving it a good scratch. Your hair feels thinner than ever you think nervously. After you’ve closed the door, you sit and look at the cracked skin on your feet. All of your arms feel dry and itchy. You ask yourself, ‘Why didn’t I use lotion before? When was the last time I had a drink?!’ And you’re sure that you must have done something terribly wrong. But you just can’t think!!
And what is really going on anyways? Did they honestly just leave you without staying the night and it’s the weekend? You scurry to find your phone to text your friends with the WTF and following emojis. And still wonder, what could possibly be the problem with eating these wonderful and delicious delicacies?