Saying No Enough Times Leads to the Yes One

Some of us seem to be unlucky in love. I am sure it’s part of our divine blueprint to have to traverse this seeming tragedy, but it’s not an easy path. I was in several long-term relationships, although nothing made it past 5 years, and one was less than 3. They all seemed to be misaligned. Of course like all relationships, they started out good, and in two of them, with my classic horse year style, I galloped into these ready to win at the races. 

While I don’t dislike any of my exes, nor hold grudges anymore, I dealt with a lot. And not only in these long term relationships, but in my dating life I continued to fall into patterns of finding either avoidants or someone emotionally unavailable. To be honest, in my unhealed late teens and early 20’s, I was definitely very lost and using substances to numb myself, so I was also quite problematic. 

The year of 2022, at age 43/44, I worked for an entire year to try to manifest the right man for me. I read my list of qualities I wanted in a partner. And I’m really proud of this list, because it wasn’t anything about the way a man would look, but was a list of my must haves that were qualities that were aligned with my values, needs and true desires for happy companionship. 

I was really bummed out after the year ended, and I stopped reading my list daily and just decided I was going to have to approach life and dating differently. In 2023 I started taking improv classes and put my energy into that along with my business, as I always do. This seemed to help me rewire things, along with a year long intensive coaching program working on healing myself, and manifesting. (Thank you Aryana Rollins). 

So over the last few years, I didn’t date as much and made some nice friends with men who I really enjoyed but didn’t quite click with in that way. And continued to find a few men in between that I dated that I hate to say it, but turned out to be douchebags. If you lie, cheat, and can’t be authentic, I’m sorry, but you actually desire that title, if not the a-hole one. 

I have spent a lot of time when in relationships or while dating with men, hoping and waiting for them to: change (ya not proud of that but true), to treat me like I’m the one, to show up consistently, to tell me and show me they have only a heart for me, to make me feel special.

And it was heart wrenching to continue to open up after so many times of being duped in the past, to find yet another one that either couldn’t connect or was lying to my face, after I was upfront about wanting monogamy, wanting family, wanting that kind and loving person who could reflect and meet me where I was at. 

It takes sometimes saying no enough times to the wrong ones, before you find the right one. 

In my Chinese Astrology chart, it says I won’t find my romantic partner until I’m at least 45. So it was fascinating when I turned 46 this last summer, and a month later I met Jesse. I have found someone who not only is showing me that I’m special, who is willing to work through the hard things and communicate, who is treating me with consistent love and kindness, AND who also fascinatingly meets everything on my list that I wrote a few years ago. 

I’m sharing this with those of you who haven’t found love yet, or have had love, but then lost it. I know what it’s like to be lonely as a young and middle-aged adult. I was lonely on and off for many years. I prayed and did all the manifestation work I could. 

But there’s a timeline for each of us that our soul agreed to. I had to be single for a lot of those 25 years that people spend with their partner raising kids. It was hard. It felt cruel. Holidays could leave me sobbing feeling sorry for myself, being not only without a partner but a child. Although I was happy for others and luckily had a lot of family that loved and supported me. I however, had hopes and dreams that didn’t come true. 

But I can tell you without a doubt, that if you have a dream or someone special that you want in your life, that no, we can’t manifest people quite like we can other desires. But you will find that person or those relationships you want and you desire, all in the right timing. While I do believe we all have free will, we also have some things predestined, and people will come to you when you least expect it. 

Sending you prayers of hope and knowing that it will get better to anyone in heartache this season. 

Hugs and love,

Korenna