Holding Space for Our Humanity
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I caught myself ‘othering’ someone recently. I made up a story about a woman and decided she was a drug addict. And because I categorized her in my mind into this stereotype based on observation, I decided that when an ambulance came to her home and I watched her walking and escorted out by the EMT, that it must have been “her fault”. As I did this, I didn’t feel sorry for her or feel compassion. I saw her from afar and judged, feeling she deserved what happened because of her choices. I know this was terribly mean, thoughtless, and not compassionate.
I’m not proud of this. And we all do this. No matter what the ridiculous story in my head was about her, I didn’t see her in the full capacity of the human she is. In other words, I dehumanized her. This disturbed me after I realized it. How could I do this? It’s actually incredibly easy for all of us in our culture to do so. We are taught to stereotype, and from this hierarchical system where we ‘other’, we find our place on the ladder of division: who is better or less than you. Depending on your upbringing, you do this through class or other social caste systems, and then decide ‘you are better than them’. Suddenly you have all the rights... You have rights to material things you possess, to the better life, to the privilege. Rights to a ‘better family’, ‘better friends’, ‘the better job’, etc. All of which is illusory, your story, and so much ego.
As a woman, we get double cursed. We are taught to compare ourselves to other women all the time. If a woman is less attractive, they are less valuable. A woman too attractive or confident? She must be scandalous, or worthy of other women’s jealousy. We are taught from a young age to one up each other in every way. Women want to have all the best qualities, and be the best catch. When we see another woman who may be on our level or above us, we may not like that. Instead of befriending, we can easily ‘other’ them. They must be a snob or a bitch if they are pretty or popular, etc.In all of these ways, we go about our days and lives judging, dismissing, and bringing in those who ‘have’, while ignoring those who don’t. Sure, in some ways many of us help out those ‘other groups’. We find the ones we care about, help them out, and feel better about ourselves. Often, we do care. And, simultaneously it can be an ego rub. We don’t look at our own flawed thinking and how we can daily go about thinking of others as less than us, further dividing ourselves and conquering others in our mind. All of us do this. Every single one of us.
The good news is, we can change this. But we have to be willing to look at our shadow, observe and find humility. I’m not proud of my flaws. I’m saddened my mind does this, and would ever allow myself to dismiss another human as less than me. I hope we all can overcome this. And I do believe this is where we are headed as a society. I see so much judgment and othering right now, especially when you look at political figures. But when something is magnified in the collective consciousness, it’s an opportunity for us to look at it, work through it and heal it. So while this saddens me, I have great hope for us. We can become aware of our thoughts, patterns and actions. I know we won’t be perfect. And I’ll continue holding space and compassion for myself, and all of humanity. Let’s join together human family, and rise up.
Holding Strength, Resilience and Courage In My Heart,
Tanya Augusta