Breakthrough to Break Free From A Worn Out Pattern

Some of us struggle with anger, rage, hating ourselves, beating ourselves up, or making ourselves wrong and feel some kind of deep emotional pain that we don’t even innerstand, and it can take years to untangle. This is my herstory. And people who struggle with perfectionism or familial stress of feeling you have to do things a certain way or else… you won’t be liked, or be punished, or feel some other internal pressure or guilt that you can’t even figure out, are often dealing with an ancestral pattern. And when we struggle with this, we act in ways that push other people away, which causes us more pain, as the trauma is real and we find ourselves alone more than we would like. 

And we don’t even know we’re doing it. We’re just so frustrated with ourselves and our predicaments, and we’re dealing with so much trauma. We can even act out our pain through the things that we thought would bring us joy… our beloved hobbies. 

This happened to me as I was trying to find my way out of my deep anger at not feeling good enough, in my ancestral pattern of feeling I had to do something perfect, or I’d be punished as my parents were…. And it played out for me in playing the piano. I really wanted to learn it. I enjoyed playing it when I was practicing usually... But when I got things wrong at lessons, or didn’t make time to do my homework, I punished myself internally as I would sit beside my teacher during my lesson. I would hate on myself without even seeing how I was making myself wrong in such a deep and mean way. 

And I knew that even my piano teacher could see the way I beat myself up without speaking, sending some internal raging father or mother into myself to beat myself up while at the piano. It was so embarrassing to me that I stopped playing for a short while and when I decided to pick it back up I chose another teacher so I wouldn’t have to face someone who had seen the way I was so hard on myself by just looking at my face. ( I’m very empathic and could sense her shock and awe in watching me sitting next to her, sometimes unable to speak and obviously raging with myself. I’m also very aware of my shadows although I may not always be aware of why I’m doing it at the time, or where it is coming from, nor how to stop the horrible cycle.)

And so today, all this anguish is coming up, as I gave away my beloved piano in place of a new piano that is a family heirloom. And I am seeing how much I’ve grown through the space and time where I was so hard on myself not just at the piano, but also at the computer at work, where technology would easily and quickly frustrate me, and I often felt unsupported and again would go into these same patterns that made it so I was miserable in doing those aspects of my job, which always seemed present, as computers are a part of all or most of our paths now. And the frustration kept people from wanting to be around me, and then I would continue to deal with the trauma of not being able to make or keep friends. So you see, I’ve been through so much. So many see the joy and peace I have now, but I didn’t for so many years. I know the struggle…

While I’m sad that the old piano has left, I’m also pleased to see and know how much I have grown in my self-love. I no longer do this ‘mean girl’ to myself anymore. I found a gentleness… and it took years, it took a ton of coaching, it took being alone, it was in making so many small shifts, putting into place the things I truly wanted because I learned and came to believe I deserve to live my greatest life. It took confidence, mastery, and a lot of courage in following my dreams with my business, along with knowing my authentic and purposeful path here.

I’m surprised at how I’ve been able to shift out of this deeply painful cycle. And I have so much compassion for the clients who come to me now in their own painful internal perfectionism, or familial pressure that is keeping them stuck in doing something that isn’t allowing them to be their authentic self. 

And it’s no coincidence that this awareness and piano give away happened on this full moon in Aquarius day, where we are facing so many squares and may have many shocking truths and surprises come to surface. I do believe with this Saturn square to Jupiter we are getting to see the ways we have been also doing the work. Saturn is about our great work, and it’s not until we are under pressure and we are in pain, and working our way out of it, that we can see the benefits. Perhaps you are moving through the pain now, and the fruits of your labor are yet to come. And it will come my friends, so stay strong. 

May today you find your strength in all the ways to move and allow flow through trying energy. May you re-member and know you are loved, that you are stronger than you think, and that you can let go of Ancestral patterns that are holding you back. Take a deep breath and keep coming back to this breath over and over, to be guided on your way back to ‘om’; home. 

And I’m here for you… for more astrological insight go to my YouTube videos: Korenna Aster

My new program, Your Embodied Hero’s Journey is a way to overcome disempowerment, confusion, and imbalance, so you can get alignment, emotional resilience and confidence to overcome life’s changes, find direction, and come into your greatest authentic and purposeful path. This an online group coaching program that will begin in a few weeks and is incredibly affordable! If you want details, reply Yes to get more info and/or on the waitlist!

Ancestral Energy Clearings are $111 for the rest of August or if you book and pay during this month. (Normally $147-197). You can let go of the old trauma and you don’t have to hold on to this pain. You deserve to heal quickly. Let me be your guide. DM me or Schedule at the link here: https://blueheronholistichealth.as.me/schedule/32e87b2e

Breathwork Yoga every Tuesday at 7am online, and 7:30pm in the park (this week Wednesday at 7:30pm in the park), and Friday’s at 7:30am online. Classes are $12. Message me to sign up.